Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
