I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
