Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
