My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
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Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
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Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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