She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
