thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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