He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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