Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
