is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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