guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
