Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
meet me or not, i'm out of control
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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