So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Of course I have a pirate flag
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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