Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
