You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I would fuck him just for his dog
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
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