Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
