There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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