what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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