Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
My pussy is not your playground.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
