I just threw up on my dentist
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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