Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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