i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
