I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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