5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
