so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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