Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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