I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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