It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
