Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
