just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
