I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
