I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
