you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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