The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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