You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
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