Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
