porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
