I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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