I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
