Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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