No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
