hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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