Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
