your room smells of hookers.
And success
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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