is your mom at the bar?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
