dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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