She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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