Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
