Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
