Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
