Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
