You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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