Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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