Taylor Swift is so right about you.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
