A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
God, I missed his penis.
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