it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
