The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
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