I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
