Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Randomize
