all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
