what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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