I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
