from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
