she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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