I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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