The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
