There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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