I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
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