btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
