he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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