shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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