You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
