i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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