Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
